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MAINE COMPASS: Riding college admissions roller coaster

In two weeks, we will pack up the family car with my daughter’s belongings and head off to college, thus bringing to a conclusion that 18-month roller coaster ride we call the college admissions process.  

And what a ride it has been. 

Beginning in March of her junior year, when we visited colleges, through the highs and lows of testing, applications, essay writing, financial aid and the arrival of the long-awaited envelopes, the college admissions process has never been so prolonged, so hectic and so stomach-wrenching as it is in this day and age of a tough economy, soaring tuitions and falling acceptance rates.    

The fact that I am a seasoned college counselor had little-to-no effect on our emotional journey. So, as the academic year begins, and the admissions season steps into high gear, I offer the following advice, newly minted and confirmed, to the parents of the Class of 2011, as they fasten their seat belts for the ride ahead. 

1. Buy a GPS, pack up the car and visit, visit, visit.   

For high school students, going to college is about as real a concept as visiting the moon. They know it’s there and they might get there one day, but college doesn’t become the next great adventure in life until they actually climb out of the car and look around at a campus and picture themselves there.   

Understand that high school students say that they know what they want in a college, but in their hearts, it’s all about what they feel about a college.  It’s all about fit — finding the right place where your child feels that he or she can be successful.  Our daughter is heading off to a women’s college in rural New England, having told us that she would go to a college only out of New England, in a warmer clime, with Greek life and near a big city. In the end, however, it was all about what felt right.  And you can’t feel it if you don’t visit. 

2. The tour guide can make or break a visit. 

Whether you are visiting a college or meeting with a military recruiter, the person who shows you around can help you fall in love with the place, or wish you had never exited the car. In our case, a fabulous college was ruined by a gum-chewing, tired senior the day after a late night. In another case, the college where our daughter refused to take another step because the information session person was so lackluster, became her favorite after her mother forced her to take the tour. 

3. Don’t talk about college at the Thanksgiving table. 

It is so tempting, at any family gathering, for all eyes to suddenly swivel to the unfortunate senior at the table and ask that age-old question, “So, where are you thinking of applying?” This is frequently followed by all kinds of advice, some good, but most bad, that begins with either, “Well, when I was your age, I could get into …” or “My boss’s next-door neighbor has an uncle who is a trustee at the  college; I am sure that he could get you in.” Rules need to be made, and restraint applied; otherwise your senior will spend Christmas under the bed. 

4. Face down the pink elephant in the room. 

In many cases, the pink elephant in the room when it comes to college admissions is that looming dread of, “How am I going to pay for all this?” It certainly was for us. Finally, we sat down, spread out all the financial aid forms and tax returns, and buckled down to our own set of applications. We ate off our laps for a month, but we got those forms mastered and in on time.   

Don’t feel as if you have to tackle that pink pachyderm on your own. Phone a friend; find an expert. We are tremendously lucky in Maine to have the Finance Authority of Maine, which is full of experts who are willing to meet with you and answer every question you have. They were our lifeline. 

Nor should you leave your child out of the conversation. It is important for your student to understand that affording college is not always easy, and that she may have to bear some responsibility for it. Don’t be put off, however, by sticker shock.  In our case, the most expensive school became the most affordable through financial aid. 

5. And finally, enjoy the ride. 

The week I spent in the South visiting colleges with our daughter was memorable.  We spent hours together in the car, talking about school and college, and giggling when we took a wrong turn, and Rhonda our GPS  (of “Help me, Rhonda” fame) calmly said “recalculating” instead of what she really wanted to say which was, “What on earth are you doing?”  We talked, laughed, listened to books on tape and music.  It was a precious time.  

There were also low points — a college I thought she would love was ruined by a poor visit and when I really questioned the entire process (and my own career.)  She was accepted at colleges that we couldn’t afford and some college programs didn’t accept her. We know that rejection is one of those important life lessons, but it is hard when it happens to your own child. 

But there were also wonderful high points — the run home from the post box with an acceptance in hand, and the joy and pride on her face when she finally handed in her deposit check.   

So, parents of the Class of 2011, whether your child is applying in-state or out-of-state, to a two-year or four-year school, or to the military or a technical school —  buckle up, hang on and enjoy the ride.   



Anne Richardson is the parent of a rising college freshman and the director of college counseling at Kents Hill School.  She also serves as the president of New England College Counseling Association.

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