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Relationship isn't going to work if you don't trust your girlfriend

Kennebec Journal Staff

Dear Harlan,

I feel horrible. I flipped out on my girlfriend because I suspected she was cheated on me. Before all of this happened, she gave me her info so I could log on to her Facebook account. So I did, just to check on her and make sure no guys are messing with her. So I get on and see a chat between her and my friend's younger brother talking about meeting each other. Quote from her to the guy: "We need to meet up sometime. Can we go? Just us?" This really scared me. And yes, it's wrong for me to get into her privacy. But I love her very much and will do anything to protect her. Is she cheating? I called her and asked her what's up with this guy, and she said that they are "just friends." Although I love her very much, I have heard things about her past relationships and how she cheats at times. I really need to know what to do. She constantly tells me she loves me, but I just can't trust her, and that breaks my heart. And as a 16-year-old guy, that's hard for me to say, but it's true.

Freaking Out

Dear Freaking Out,

The minute you logged in to check up on her and found something suspicious is the minute this relationship ended. It's simple -- if you can't trust her, then you can't date her. You have good reason to not trust her. Even if she isn't cheating, you're going to be reading into everything she does and says in the future. And that means there isn't much of a chance for a future.

Dear Harlan,

My wife's dad isn't talking to her. It started when we got married this spring. Instead, he only talks to me. Lately, he hasn't talked to either of us. When my wife told her aunt that she is pregnant, her little brother heard and got on the phone and told her dad before we could. Now it's been three weeks, and her dad still doesn't answer the phone. I know it hurts her feelings, but I don't know what to do. I've cheered my wife up, but I can tell it's still on her mind. What can I do? How can I tell her dad? I tried calling him the day I found out, but he didn't answer. I just want my wife to be happy, and she can't because of her dad.

Silent Father-In-Law

Dear Silent Father-in-law,

Her dad knows exactly what he's doing. Just because he's giving her the silent treatment, she doesn't need to give him the silent treatment. She can talk to her father. She can call him or write him a note to tell him that she's sorry if his feelings got hurt, but she loves him and wants him in her life during this special time. Then she can move on and give him permission to be silent.

If her dad calls you to talk about your wife, tell him it makes you uncomfortable to be put in the middle. He needs to be the one to talk to his daughter. When you sense she's feeling upset about her dad's lack of attention, remind her that any father who would ignore his pregnant daughter is a dad who needs professional help dealing with his own emotions.

Harlan is the author of "The Happiest Kid On Campus: A Parent's Guide to the Very Best College Experience (for You and Your Child)" (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.